November 10, 2016 in Rocklin, CA there I was sitting in a doctors office with the doctor and my mom. Today, I just listened to the 31 minute and 18 second recording.
I remember the meeting as if it was yesterday. We sat in the small office and waited for the doctor to come in just as we had done for years. This time I set the recorder on my iPhone on and placed the phone in my pocket.
My mom cried about 5 different times in the recording. She described the constant pain that she was having in the right side of her abdomen. The exhaustion in her voice… you could see the tears in the audio only recording.
She was under immense stress as she was about to start a week long of preparation for a colonoscopy… A colonoscopy that she never made it to. She expressed so much pain in the recording from her cancers, to pulmonary embolisms, to INR levels, 8 herniated disks, and so much more.
The recording put me in that exact moment. It was the first time I’d her my mom’s voice in a long time and my ears were could hear everything! If there was an ant crawling in the cabinet I could hear and feel its legs sliding on the wood. It was a powerful experience and I decided to write about it immediately after listening to hopefully inspire you to take action or think differently. Hopefully, you read this and it moves you towards love and compassion. There are so many people sick, ill, and in pain in this world right now! So many people that live in the shadows… people that are completely healthy but are lonely… people that, people that, people that, people that (fill in the blank).
In the recording, my mom referenced that 3 times that she may die and that the pain was so hard for her. Hearing her voice alone was enough for me… hearing the pain and those words triggered me.
She shared a very specific story that spun my head for a loop. She shared with the doctor that a month ago (October 2016) the coumadin clinic (people that monitor her blood) had called her late, “near midnight.” The coumadin clinician had said something along the lines, “Mrs. Silveria your coumadin levels are off the charts. You need to go into the hospital and get them checked immediately. If you don’t you could die.”
I remember so many specific incidents in the last 6 months leading up to her passing away in February 2017. Multiple times she fell; one time she broke her foot and the other she got a huge black eye. Bruises were common and pain was 1,000 miles past normal for anyone.
I always try to write with faith, hope, love, and positivity for a better tomorrow. That’s how my mom lived her life everyday. God and faith has always been the one steady thing in my life and I pray that my faith strengthens everyday. If this message inspires you to reach out to your mom wonderful. If you contact your dad, parental figure(s), siblings, family, best/close friends, or strangers… I hope you take this message and move towards love. My mom loved me very much and I know she is with me everyday. I feel her presence to this day, everyday. I pray that she is always near, I have her heart.
May you love stronger, deeper, and more passionate with your significant other, family, and loved ones. May you understand hope is rooted in the purity of your heart and may you know God as loving, kind, gentle, merciful, and always ready to accept you no matter what.
I love you mom. And, I love you.